Where are all the Easter eggs?

Posted March 30, 2013

Where are all the Easter eggs?

I've never been into Easter eggs. As a child, I always asked for money in place of chocolate. I was a mercenary little brat. On the plus side, I wasn't a fat one. 

Today, when I finally decided to buy one myself, I discovered that every last egg had GONE. Some might call that karma. 

I was sure I’d have no trouble picking one up in Waitrose. The store has been promoting Easter eggs for so long now that I’d assumed they were a permanent, year round feature. But the Easter confectionary aisle had been stripped bare by chocolate vultures. The only thing I could find amidst the carcass of empty shelves was a sad, desolate bag of mini speckled eggs and a few thumb-indented Cadbury’s cream eggs. Even the chocolate bunnies, garishly wrapped in gold foil and red ribbon, had all been snaffled. Presumably by the chocolate fox.

But I’m not one to give up. So I scoured every shop in my village. Same story. Empty shelves. There were plenty of boxes of Ferrera Rocher (full marks for the alternative product placement!) but no chocolate eggs. 

So where have they all gone? I have a few suggestions ... ...

- They’ve been smuggled out of the country by last minute holiday makers, desperate for some sun. I hope that, when they open up their suitcase, they find a Dali-esque version of their previously perfect egg. One that collapses into a puddle of molten chocolate at the slightest touch. Harsh, I know, but it is smuggled contraband. 

Every child in the district is currently gorging their way through a mountain of chocolate. If we could plug the resulting energy spike into the national grid, we’d create a surge large enough to sort our energy problems for decades. Cruel or cost effective? 

- Adults have reverted to pagan tradition where eggs are linked to fertility and new life. Well, it is bitterly cold at the minute. What else is there to do other than eat chocolate, snuggle up and erm ...!!! Let’s hope it’s not this. We can’t afford another baby boom. 

Image: Auntie P, flickr

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