Britain’s Got Talent (but where’s it hiding?)

Posted April 30, 2011

Tonight, under duress from my husband, I watched Britain’s Got Talent. I would rather stick pins in my eyes than have to do this again next week.

The first series seemed gloriously funny; all those eccentric Brits plucked from obscurity and given their chance to take centre stage (and that’s just the judges). But now that I’ve cottoned on to the format, the show has lost all its lustre.

I know that first out will be the bizarre exhibitionists. Tonight this included a middle aged man who whipped off his trousers to paint a picture with his underpants and a young girl with a snake draped around her neck who recited poetry. The judges said no to the middle aged stripper but decided to risk child asphyxiation live on air by putting the young girl and her reptile through to the next round.

Just as I'm thinking that waterboarding would be a preferable option to this torture, they bring on the ‘last chance to hit the big time’ act. Herbie Armstrong fitted this bill to a tee. He's the 66 year old pub landlord who treated us to a painful rendition of one of his own compositions. I don’t care how much the studio audience was rooting for him. For me, there was a very obvious reason he missed the big time – his voice!! Surely Herbie must, by now, have detected the drop in takings on the nights he performs for his customers?

As always, the best was left to last. And this week it turned out to be Ronan Parke singing a Nina Simone song. I wasn’t expecting that choice from a 12 year old boy. But hey! And he certainly belted it out. He won a standing ovation from both the audience and the judges; his parents looked so proud of themselves (I mean him).

Louis Walsh was standing in for David Hasselhoff as a judge this week. His verdict for most of the acts was, “I don’t get it”. I don’t either Louis!

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