Shoot me now....

Posted June 20, 2010

Shoot me now....

I ‘heart’ you

Whenever I hear the phrase ‘I heart you’ I want to reach for the sick bag. It smacks of superficiality rather than true depth of feeling. It’s the verbal equivalent of wading through a river of sticky treacle or being confronted by a bunch of Care Bears all intent on having a cuddle. What’s wrong with the word love anyway? It’s served us well for centuries. Elizabeth Barrett  Browning’s poem How Do I Love Thee?, penned in the 1800s, has one of the most romantic openings in English literature:

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of Being and ideal Grace”.

The words convey powerful emotion, not trite sentimentality. Victorian poetry groups would have run  Elizabeth Barrett Browning out of town if she'd called it How Do I Heart You?

Big Brother AND The World Cup

It’s obviously the devil’s work. Who else would schedule both at the time? I really could care less about the “hand of clod” mishap by the England goalie or why Mario Mugan arrived in the Big Brother house dressed as a mole. It’s hard to know which is the most annoying – a football stadium full of vuvuzela horns or the substantially higher octane shrieking of Big Brother hostess, Davina McCall.

Maxi Dresses

This is boho chic gone mad. A maxi dress is formal evening garb and just looks plain silly in the daytime. Getting in the weekly shop at Tesco, filling your car up at the petrol station, or picking up your kids at the school gate are not special occasions and don’t warrant full length attire. It’s as if the world has suddenly been populated with a Stepford wife and Nicole Ritchie hybrid. Creepy!

Mobile phones on trains

People who get on a train, take a seat and then immediately reach for their mobile phone are sad. What is so critical that it can’t wait until the end of their journey? Nothing really, because the conversations that follow are always boring beyond belief. “Yeh, I’m on the train”. Doh! You don’t say Sherlock?  “Chicken tikka”. This is obviously their sandwich choice of the day from Boots. Occasionally they throw in the odd “Did ya?” before continuing their tedious account of the minutiae of their day. I suppose there is a bit of an upside as it makes my own life seem wildly exciting in comparison.

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